Dear Frank
by StarryMidnightRomance
Summary: “She use to be strong and passionate. She use to laugh and have fun. There’s no life in her any more and it’s your fault. Loving you is the biggest mistake she could have ever made.” A series of letters depicting one’s struggle to move on.
1. 10 hours

**Unfortunately, I don't own anything in the Nancy Drew or Hardy Boy universe…sad day.**

**Author's Note: Yes, I know I'm putting out something new before finishing my other story, but, don't worry, I'm haven't forgotten about Escaping the Past. This is just something that came to my mind as I went to class and proceeded to keep me entertained all the way through anthropology, statistics, and psychology…good thing that my first round of exams are still a couple weeks away. **

**Anyway, I hope you enjoy this little ditty. This whole piece will be wrapped up before the end of the weekend and then I'll be back to focusing on EtP. Reviews are always welcome, both the good and the bad. As always, happy reading!**

Frank

I don't understand how you could do this to us…to me… to her. You weren't suppose to be out there by yourself, but, of course, your insane need to always be her protector kept you from thinking clearly. Don't you understand how guilty I feel for not having your back? Don't you understand how heartbreaking it was for me to tell her you weren't coming home? Don't you understand how difficult it is going to be for us to move on in life now that you're gone? I hate you for doing this!

Do you know what happened when I got the phone call from the hospital? I panicked. I prayed that they hadn't got a hold of her yet. I at least had Vanessa with me when I got the news,…but, God, Nancy, she was home alone waiting for you. I was slightly relieved when they told me they couldn't reach her. As soon as I hung up the phone I was speeding to mom and dad's to reassure them that I was okay. I only stayed long enough to give them hugs and drop off Van before I left for your house. Everyone wanted to go with me, but I knew that I had to do it on my own. When I got to the house there was no answer, and I let myself in, the entire time screaming her name. I was afraid that he had got her too. I didn't know yet that he had killed himself after killing you.

Frank, I will forever be plagued by those next few moments. She came bounding down the stairs in that ridiculous pink robe she loves, laughing about how I was ruining her bath, and that I better not be staying long because she had to get ready for dinner with you. The anniversary dinner that you guys had cancelled four times already because of cases. She was positively glowing and I was there to crush her with the news that her husband was dead.

I didn't have to say anything. She caught one glimpse of my face and just froze. The two of us stood in that living room staring at each other for what felt like hours, before she made a move. That amazing wife of yours, the greatest sister-in-law and friend that anyone could ask for, took me into her arms and began to comfort me. I'm there to console her and yet, she's the one whispering to me that everything is going to be all right as I cry. I'm still not sure how it happened.

The rest of the night went by in a blur. The hospital…police station…mom & dad's. Eventually we ended back up at your house…she was adamant about the fact that she was spending the night in her home. She marched straight into the house and went to your bedroom without so much as a goodnight. Don't worry, Vanessa and I are staying with her tonight. She doesn't need to be alone right now.

Vanessa fell asleep a little while ago, but I'm not as fortunate. I've been sitting here, just staring at my own wife, for the past hour. I'm so lucky to have her in my life and I've just realized how much I take her being around for granted. She's my everything and I don't know what I'd do if she died.

Nancy has me worried, big brother. While I understand that tonight has been a lot to deal with, I am not sure about how she is handling this. Sure, I know she has always been a strong person, but dammit Frank, this isn't just anybody. This is you. Her best friend…her husband…the love of her life…and she hasn't shed a single tear. I have this horrible feeling that things are going to get a whole lot worse before they get better.

I love you

Joe


	2. 5 days

Frank

I can't believe it's been five days since you've been gone. Every morning I've waken up thinking that the previous days have been a dream but unfortunately I'm not that lucky.

Today was the funeral. It was an honorable tribute to you, both mom and Nancy made sure of that, and more people than I could have ever imagined showed up to pay their respect. Who would have known that you touched that many people in your short 29 years.

Nan finally lost it. I was beginning to get uneasy about her keeping it all bottled up because it seemed inhuman. The past few days have been rough on everyone, but she was the one who had kept us sane. She took care of arranging the whole funeral when it became too much for mom. She put up tons of friends and family in your house. She took to reminding all of us about the happy times when ever the mood became too somber for her tastes. She was a shoulder for everyone and not once in this entire time had she taken a minute for herself.

This morning, as we were waiting for the limo to arrive to take us to the church, she admitted to me that she hadn't cried. She said that she had wanted to, that she had tried multiple times, but she just couldn't. She was angry with herself that she couldn't seem to properly mourn your death. It scared her to think that maybe she hadn't loved you as much as she thought, but I quickly dispelled those doubts. I assured her that that wasn't possible, though at the time I will admit that even I was beginning to have my own concerns.

Like I had said earlier, the funeral went off without a problem. Chet, Biff, Tony, Phil, Con Riley, and I were your pallbearers. There were plenty of people who wanted to do it, but the six of us, once banned together, were the only ones who felt worthy enough. Many people stood to say something about you and I get the feeling that we could have sat in that church for days listening to stories about how great a man you were. There wasn't a dry eye in the church, except for Nancy. She sat in the front row, looking straight ahead the entire time, never once allowing emotion to flicker across her face. It wasn't until later that she gave in.

We were in the cemetery, just the family-mom, dad, Nancy and I. That was Nancy's doing. She had wanted everyone to attend the memorial, but at the gravesite it was to be more intimate for that final goodbye. We'd all had our chance to whisper last words of farewell, and they were getting ready to lower you into the ground, when she snapped.

She flung herself on your coffin and started weeping harder then I thought humanely possible. Her cries of devote love mixed with her cursing toward God echoed through the yard, and soon became too much for mom to handle. Dad led her back to the limo, leaving me to deal with your wife. Now I was scared.

Frank, I know that I kept complaining that she wasn't crying before all this, but now I wish I could take all that back. I wasn't prepared to see her like this. Here lay a broken mold of the woman I knew. She was grasping the polished wood like it was a life preserver and who knows, maybe it was. Though she would never admit it aloud, you were her savior, her white knight, and I think it terrified her to know that you were no longer going to be by her side. The reality of the situation had finally registered with her.

It killed me to have to pull her away from you and, trust me, it killed her too. She fought me with everything in her, but I eventually succeeded. The two of us collapsed a few feet away and she allowed me to hold her as the sobs racked her body.

Big brother, I'm terrified and I don't know what to do. It's now been almost 9 hours since her initial breakdown and she hasn't stopped crying. When we returned to the house she walked past all the guests who were there to give condolences and barricaded herself in the office you guys shared. A few friends and family members tried to go in there to check on her, but unfortunately for them, you and Nan owned a library of books. It seems that I'm the only one who can enter without the risk of getting a concussion.

I need you Frank. I'm not equipped to handle this. I'm sure you think that I am since I've dealt with losing a loved one before, but this isn't the same. My love for Iola in no way compares to what you and Nancy had. Your marriage was the stuff that dreams are made out of. The two of you were soul mates and the great tragedy is that you will never get to finish the fairy tale. There will never be a happily ever after.

Joe


	3. 2 months

Frank

I blame you for the way things are right now. We are approaching two months and things have spun so out of control that Vanessa and I are moving in with her for a while.

Not a day has passed that she hasn't cried for you. I'm not talking small tears. No that I could handle. This, this is too much. I've grown accustomed to red eyes with large tears constantly streaming down her face. She doesn't even need to blink for they flow freely from her eyes. She hasn't worn makeup since the day of the funeral and I don't blame her. It wouldn't last very long.

We've started to worry about leaving her alone for long periods of time, because whenever we do she disappears to be with you. Just last week I went by the house to make sure there was enough wood cut because the weather people started talking about snow coming soon. You know where she was. Not at the house. Oh no, she was at the cemetery, lying by your grave, fast asleep. I could have killed her. It had to be at most 20 degrees and there she was outside without a jacket for who knows how long. Her skin was tinted blue and she was shivering beyond all belief, but she was not going to move from that spot.

That's not what concerns me the most though. No, the thing that has me is her weight. She's already lost 15 pounds and we both know that she never even needed to lose one. Her reasoning is that she forgets to eat sometimes. Not just a meal, but for days at a time. The only time she seems to remember is when one of us brings food by and even then she has to force herself to choke down a few bites.

She shouldn't have to live like this. She use to be strong and passionate. She use to laugh and have fun. There's no life in her any more and it's your fault. Loving you is the biggest mistake she could have ever made.

Joe


	4. 7 months

Frank

Happy 30th birthday, big brother. It's now been close to seven months and you are still fresh on all our minds.

We've definitely had our fair share of trials these past few months, and I still see no immediate end to the pain for your wife, but I feel that she has made some progress. Last night is my proof.

She smiled. A full blown smile that made her eyes shine.

You would have been smiling to, Frank, because yesterday Vanessa and I found out that we are having a baby. That's right, me, Mr. Child himself, has reproduced. Scary, isn't it?

After Vanessa told me, we immediately gathered the gang together at mom and dad's to share the good news. That's when I was able to catch a glimpse of the old Nancy. She seemed so excited about the fact that she was going to be an aunt.

Now, I do have to admit that for every two steps forward, there is a giant leap back.

After dinner I found her out on the porch swing, weeping softly. She shared that while she was happy for us, she couldn't help feeling jealous. She regrets that you two had pushed off the idea of kids for so long. I had no response for that confession, so I sat there quietly, providing the ear that she needed.

She's getting better at accepting your death. While she still cries at least once a day, she isn't letting it control her life full time anymore. She's gone back to work at the paper, but she's not ready to come back to our agency. She claims that she isn't ready to be back out in the field yet. I sure hope that she changes her mind soon, because it's awfully lonely in that office with both of you gone.

I'm proud of her though. She's trying, that's for sure. I'm going to keep working on her also. The smile last night is not going to a one time thing. I have all sorts of tricks up my sleeve to make them more frequent. I'll let you in on a little secret. The next one I plan on getting is when I tell her that she is going to be the baby's godmother.

It's sad to think that you missed out on so much. You would have been great parents if given the chance. Can you imagine what your kids would have been like? Gorgeous, God wiling they got Nancy's looks, and smart beyond all belief. Yeah, you would have been lucky.

Joe


	5. 18 months

Frank

Today was a day of enlightenment for many of us. Your wife knows how to touch a person's soul with just a few words.

Let me start at the beginning. Today was your nephew's baptism. Now approaching 3 months old, Noah Franklin Hardy is already a heartbreaker. He takes after me in that sense, though Vanessa, Mom, and Nancy don't seem to think that's a good thing. Personally, I just think they don't like the fact that Noah has them wrapped around his finger. That little boy just flashes a smile and they melt…especially Nancy. I think it killed her when Vanessa and I moved out a month ago, but we are only a few blocks away and I've promised her unlimited access to Noah. Moving that close has been good for all of us; not only do we have a very willing babysitter nearby, but I'm also still close enough to check up on her if need be.

Everyone attended the ceremony, even a few surprise guests. That's right, Bess and George, along with their husbands, flew in to celebrate with us. None of us have seen them since the funeral, and I think Noah was the perfect excuse to fly in and check on Nancy. Not that they don't call all the time, but you have to remember LA and Houston aren't just down the road, and they do have their own lives. No, the three of us have an understanding. They trust me to take care of Nancy here and if things ever get really bad, they would be the first one's I call.

We all met back at our house for lunch after the service and everyone spent the time catching up on each other's lives. Things were going really well until Bess quietly broached a sensitive subject with Nancy. Bess had a friend from California transferring to New York and she thought Nancy might be interested in showing him around. Nancy went pale, but didn't say a word. Slowly everyone else started helping Bess out. After all, you have been gone a year and a half, maybe it was time for her to start dating again. It was Vanessa who delivered the kicker. "You know Nan, Frank would want you to be happy. He wouldn't want you to be alone." Nancy took the time to look every single one of us in the eye before answering, and I don't think I will ever forget her words. In a quiet voice she whispered, "If that were the case, he wouldn't have left me."

I know everyone has a different idea of what their wedding vows mean, but I think Nancy is the only one I know who plans on staying true to them for all eternity. Even though she vowed only to be with you "till death do you part", death isn't keeping her from leaving your side.

You have no idea what you've left behind, big brother.

Joe


	6. 4 years

Frank

I was hit with a shocking reality tonight. Here I was, living the past few years as freely as if nothing had ever happened, and then I had my world explode around me.

You see, today started out as a great day. Vanessa was out of town working on a computer-related case, so I invited Nancy to spend the day with Noah and me. The three of us decided to go to the zoo, and all day long Noah dragged the two of us from exhibit to exhibit, his mouth going a mile a minute.

It was a lot of fun and I know it was good for Nancy. She's been working herself ragged. She reaches the office before me and Van and often doesn't leave until hours past us. I get the feeling that more often than not she falls asleep on the couch in her office.

After the zoo we went back to my house and I cooked us dinner. Don't laugh; I'm a surprisingly good cook. Nan and I patiently listened to my son's yammering as we ate, until he eventually feel asleep right in his pasta.

By the time we got him cleaned up and in bed it was after eight. Now, I was convinced on keeping your wife from going back to the office, so I used some of the Hardy charm to con her into watching movies for the rest of the night.

The first movie had just ended, and we were contemplating what to put in next when she suddenly burst out, "I haven't cried today."

I have to admit that I was confused at first, and when I asked her to elaborate she calmly explained that today was the first day since the funeral that she hadn't cried.

I was in shock, but, not wanting to set her off in any way, I decided to improvise. I proudly declared that we needed to celebrate and I went into the kitchen to raid Vanessa's "emergency" chocolate stash.

Once we were settled back down with enough sugar to put us in a coma, I put on the stupidest movie I could find. The two of us laughed hysterically for the next two hours.

When the movie finished I took a glance at the clock and then turned to give her a big hug. "Congratulations, its 12:23. You just made it through a whole day."

She looked very pleased for a moment, before her face crumbled and she was silently crying into my chest. She choked out that she was a horrible person if she couldn't take the time to mourn you everyday.

Eventually she cried herself to sleep, and I carried her to the guest room. Once she was settled there for the night I walked across the hall and tiptoed into Noah's room. He was out like a light, but that didn't stop me from sinking into the rocking chair by his bed. Watching his chest rise and fall in time with his breathing, I tried to calm my racing mind. The new information had been a lot to deal with.

Big brother, she has been crying for 4 years. 4 years! Her life still revolves around you even though you're gone. I can't believe things are still like this.

Tonight, for the first time, in years I cried…though not for you, Frank.

No, I cried for the family who had lost a son and brother. I cried for the child who would never know his uncle. But most of all, I cried for the wife who would never be whole again.

Joe


	7. 5 years

Frank

Exactly five years ago my world turned upside down.

Big Brother, today marks the anniversary of your death, and while the day brought much sadness, it also brought hope. You see, today is the day that your wife decided she was going to live life again.

This morning the family visited your grave and in that time we all had the opportunity to spend a few minutes alone with you. Each exchange seemed to bring a sense of peace to the mourner, and yet I knew we were all waiting on bated breath for Nancy to shatter the silence.

She was the last to speak to you. As she walked up to the headstone everyone else began heading back to the vehicles so as to give her the utmost privacy. I lagged behind. I had experienced her breakdowns enough now to know that she would need someone to help her when she was done. I was never prepared for what I saw.

She stepped right up to the soft grass and gently knelt down in front of you. Rubbing her fingers over your name, I watched her lips move slightly as her eyes slid shut. I knew that I should turn away, but I was mesmerized by what I was seeing. Her whole body seemed to relax and I observed as she started shaking her head in acknowledgement.

In that instant, I would bet my life that you were speaking to her.

It only took a few more moments before she was standing up and turning to me with a smile on her face. There were still a few tears in her eyes, but I think the twinkle of playfulness masked them quite well. Throwing an arm around my shoulder as we began walking back to the car, she turned to me and asked, "So, do we have any new cases?"

Frank, I won't even try to comprehend what happened in the cemetery this morning, but I will say a prayer of thank you. Nancy's awakening is the closure that our family needed, and while I know your memory will live on in all of us forever, I think it's time to close that chapter of the past.

The last years have been rough, but I think things are going to change for the better now. I feel that today is the turning point in all of our lives.

Joe

* * *

**A/N: I'd like to thank everyone who read this. I apologize that this wasn't finished up sooner. I thought the final chapter had been posted and it wasn't until I went back and looked at this story did I realize I never put up the ending. oops! **

**For those of you reading Escaping the Past I promise I haven't forgotten about it. I'm taking 18 hrs. this semester and it has just made things hectic in life right now. However I do have the next week and a half off so who knows...maybe a few chapters will get posted in that time. :o) Many blessings. -StarryMidnightRomance**


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